February 8, 2012

The Forgotten Shows of HGTV: Room by Room

Room by Room was a show that aired on HGTV from 1994 to 2006. It was hosted by Matt Fox and Shari Hiller, two people who seem like they probably don't have genitals.

According to their boastful website:
Having aired in over 90 million homes, they have taught literally millions their detailed process of step by step decorating, improving the lives and homes of many...Room by room was the first show of its type in television history.
Really, guys? Also:
Some have said that Matt and Shari helped build Home and Garden Network. It’s true, they were the very first show to air on HGTV when they switched on December 31st, 1994. 
SomeMatt and Shari have said that Matt and Shari helped build Home and Garden Network. Fixed it for ya. Do Shari and Matt not remember the first days of MTV? There were like no music videos, so they had to play a bunch of Dire Straits videos. Are Shari and Matt really that proud of being the Dire Straits of HGTV?

My main problem with Room by Room is that Matt and Shari's designs were shit. They did theme rooms. 

Like who wants to look at a bunch of disembodied hands when they're trying to poop? And more importantly, why does your bathroom need a theme? How about the theme of bathroom?

Another time, when they were at a home in like Massachusetts or somewhere along the northern Atlantic, they decorated the rec room - it may not have been a rec room, I just like talking about rec rooms - in a nautical theme, complete with a TV stand/storage unit shaped like a lighthouse and painted red and white. Now, I love Chicago, but I don't need a piece of furniture modeled after the Sears Tower. Decorating a room after the location of the home is a cop out and totally uncreative.

Perhaps it's unfair to judge Room by Room so harshly. HGTV has gotten way better since the 90's and there are now more shown in line with my sense of style, which was once described as just straight up Apartment Therapy, so maybe I should remember that it was a different time, a more 90's time. But I have to say, regardless, theme rooms are never ok.

What are Matt and Shari up to today? Still shit designing. And they're available for appearances!

97% of women in the audience are wearing mom jeans.