February 12, 2012

Rate My Space: Living Rooms

So on the HGTV website, they have a section called Rate My Space, where jerks go to show off their homes and seek validation from total strangers on the internet, even though the internet is actually an awful place. 

The spaces are broken down by rooms, so let's take a look at the living rooms. I've only included the "top rated" spaces. I don't want to kick people when they're down.

These people just threw a flat bed sheet on their couch and like called it a day. Seriously, it looks tragic. Get it reupholstered! And get some dignity.

Khaki, white, and gray? Get crazy with your bad selves, homeowners.

There is entirely too much shit in this room. Especially the faux foliage.

There's entirely too many florals in this room. And a couch - not the throw pillows, just the body of the couch - should have at the very most two different kinds of fabric. This couch has at least four.

I'm sure the tile floor, and the lack of an area rug, contributes to it, but this room is too cold. And too symmetrical.  Two chairs on both sides of the sofa is too much. They should have taken away one of the chairs. The fabric on the orange/red chair is out of place. Everything else in the room is white, black, or gray, so the warm colors seem really random. I also don't like pictures on a coffee table. If someone is sitting on the right sofa, they're only going to see the back of the frame. That's also why theater-in-the-round is stupid.

I hate these people. Kind of a lot. They're label whores. Don't even mention Design Within Reach to me. For Assholes, By (Buy?) Assholes. Using a daybed with no back in lieu of a couch really says to your guests, "I don't want you to be comfortable. I just want to be pretentious and I want to get you out of my house as quickly as possible. So please, make yourself uncomfortable." 

Are oversized non-working decorative clocks a thing now? (Two's a trend.) I mean, these people could buy like a $5 clock kit and make these oversized decorative clocks work.

Are non-functioning curtains a thing now? (Three's a meme.) Because like what's even the effing point? Just pay the $10 extra dollars for a full curtain rod and $10 extra dollars for more fabric to turn these into functioning curtains. This is like a thousand times dumber than the oversized non-working decorative clock.

So as not to seem too negative (too late), I'll include a couple things I like.

Ok, the decor itself is ugly. (Seriously, the rug, chair fabric, and table cloth don't go together at all and those wall colors are not good.) But I love the fireplace and the built-ins. Too bad they're wasted on people with no taste.

Black, white, and yellow is a fantastic color combination and I've already established my love of fuzzy throw pillows and mirrored furniture. Of all the rooms I looked at, this one was the best. Ending on a positive note. Boom!


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