House Hunters: Like that two-part episode of Saved by the Bell with Jesse's father's wedding

Vacation Home in Palm Springs

Description: Adrienne wants a Palm Springs vacation home her whole family can enjoy.

Available on HGTV.com

So the only things I know about Palm Springs are that Jesse's dad got married to an aerobics instructor there, David Silver's grandparents' have a house there, and Kyle owns a vacation home there that she and Mauricio may or may not have stolen from Kim. And at least two of those things are fiction. Who knows more about Palm Springs than I do? Our house hunter, Adrienne.

Adrienne is a successful business lady who takes calls while getting tangled up in a dog leash. I bet she thinks she doesn't have time for love until a cute boy with a cute accent shows her otherwise.

We know she's a successful business lady because her meeting with the girl in black is interrupted by the girl in the American flag? shirt and then she gets a call from China she has to take.

God California pizza sucks. Real pizza doesn't have chicken and capers on it.

Anyway, Adrienne wants a modern vacation home in Palm Springs that has four bedrooms and three baths, a great room, a pool, a spa, and mountain views for $500,000. Can she get all of that on her budget? Hell if I know. That's why Frank's her realtor and not me. Also coming on the house hunt with Adrienne are her sisters Valerie and Darienne. All their parents did was switch the D and the A to come up with two of their daughter's names.

House #1 is a 4 bedroom 3.5 bath home built in 1987. 

I'm fairly certain they could have figured out when that house was built based on the carpet alone. 

Adrienne thinks the kitchen is out dated and she doesn't like that the countertops are granite tiles and not a slab of granite.

She does like the backyard and that you can see the mountains from the backyard.

In one of the guest bedrooms, Frank tells Adrienne that she could fit three twin beds to maximize the number of guests. Adrienne replies that the current bedrooms is "good for four or five Italians." Heh. (FYI, Adrienne is Italian.)

There's something about Adrienne's sister Valerie that makes her seem like an SNL character. I think it has to do with the red hair with the brown eyebrows and how she has the sort of face that looks like she's perpetually smelling something stinky. I guess she kind of reminds me of a Gap girl.

Upon watching the video, I guess it's because she looks like a redhead version of Adam Sandler's character. But getting back to our house hunt...

House #2 is a brutalistmodern 5 bedroom 4.5 bathroom house for $555,000. 

Adrienne loves the great room and openness.

And the backyard with mountain views.

Off the backyard is the casita, which is like a guest house but Spanish. This counts as one of the bedrooms.

There's also an attached casita, which also counts as a bedroom. Valerie doesn't like that two of the bedrooms aren't accessible through the house because the "object [I think she means objective] is to be together as a family." Yeah, if you want someone to poison the stew, force the family to be together 24/7. 

One thing Adrienne doesn't like are the monthly $100 HOA fees. I feel her on that. HOA's are notoriously awful. And sometimes homicidal.

House #3 is a very Brady 4 bedroom 3.5 bathroom home for $549,000. This house is bananas.

Truthfully, the living room isn't that bad, but the wallpaper, dining set, and light fixture in the dining room are total relics.

And the kitchen has some lovely yellow appliances. But the best room in this house:

The guest bathroom. I love how the homeowners decorate with yellow and purple towels to match the wallpaper.

Adrienne, Darienne, and Valerie discuss their options. House #1 is on budget, but needs work. House #2 is move-in ready, but is over budget. House #3 has potential, but needs major work. 

Adrienne picks House #2. She doesn't want her stew to be poisoned.

A few months later, Adrienne is almost done decorating. I love that light fixture in the living room.

But I do not love that shirt with that sweater.